i have been seeing things in a different way again. this time i feel like it’s getting too exhausting to talk about myself and entertain my darkest thoughts. let us discuss about different people instead.
she’s smart, diligent and very dedicated in her studies. i see her as one of the independent people i know. she could stand alone and perhaps have been standing alone for herself for such a long time. we see her being the smartest girl in our class. she may not notice it but most of the time i observe her. sometimes i pause just to look at her, to watch how she talks when she’s talking to me and to other people around us. everyone probably think that somehow things are easier in her life because she’s so smart that she makes the difficult lessons look so easy. i think people see her as one of the contented persons in the world because she’s smart. unless she had told you something that will serve as a clue that yes she may be the smartest girl in class but you can never tell what’s really going on inside her mind or whatever she truly feels inside her heart. she smiles a lot when she’s around me. i think she’s one of the people who have a very unusual laugh among all of us. she laughs a lot around us as much as we do when we’re together with our friends. i dont know if they noticed her eyes or if they noticed the way how her words come out of her mouth or how it really feels when she touches you and begin to be so affectionate. she describes herself as a sweet person, but i think a caring friend describes her better.
i used to be so sad and bitter about life, but then there she was, she’s the kind of person who makes me feel like i finally exist. so we became good friends and she told me she has found a comfort zone in me. it made me feel happy. because i never thought i could make someone feel something like that. i never thought someone would be able to make me feel like she found a home in me. i know what it’s like to be sad and i know the eyes and soul of a sad person. she may seem happy, things may look as easy as they seem but she’s not contented. she was never complete. she has been longing for something. i knew it. i knew how lonely she really felt and i didnt want her to become like me. i dont want her to take the option that its okay to give up. i want to tell her to stay strong and never let go. i will do everything just to make her feel that she is never alone anymore now that she have me. i want to tell her to hang in there. and never ever let herself walk into the void.
i honestly dont know if its okay to write about people. or think about the probability that something bad will happen. because this is life after all.
please be fucking stronger than me. do not do what i did. dont consider going inside of this tunnel. im having a hard time getting out.